My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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