You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
