I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You need a sexual gate keeper
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
