There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
