dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
