p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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