I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Walk of Shame today included voting.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
