PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
