I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
