There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
