also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
