I'm jealous of your bromance
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
