Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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