At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
