were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
