I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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