You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
