Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
