I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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