You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
