you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
