I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
