i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
