Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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