Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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