**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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