He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
