ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
