it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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