He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
