but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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