my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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