then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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