If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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