next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
