those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
