OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
