I love black thongs
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
