Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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