you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
