Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
