Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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