I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
