I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
