I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
