Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
