So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
