I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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