i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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