it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
