I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
