wat bout pragnant strippers??
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
