Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
