The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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